There’s one piece of training advice I give to almost everybody I work with. It seems like common sense, but it’s remarkable how few people effectively practice it. The advice? Advocate for your dog.

We’re conditioned in our society to think that good dogs are those who are friendly with everyone. Dogs should want to be friends with every person and dog they come across, otherwise they’re not nice, or they’re bad dogs. Of course this isn’t true. Like people, dogs have a wide range of personality types. Some are outgoing, some are shy, and some are picky. Some have had bad experiences that make them fearful. My dog Roger loves all people but is very choosy about which dogs he likes. He’s not aggressive, or mean, or bad - he just doesn’t automatically love everyone.

I’ve seen so many impossibly cute puppies who are timid and fearful of new people. They’re so cute that everyone wants to pet them, and they’re regularly being pushed out of their comfort zone by strangers coming into their space and petting them whether they like it or not. This teaches them that people are scary and interactions with them are often bad experiences.

What does this mean for your training?

It means you need to speak up for your dog. Not every person you pass on the street needs to pet your dog. Your dog doesn’t need to play with every other dog they meet. If your dog is shy with people, say “please don’t pet them” when you see someone coming at them. If they don’t like new dogs, walk on by without stopping for a greeting. These constant violations of dogs’ personal space and preferences can lead to reactivity when they feel the need to protect themselves by growling, showing their teeth, or even biting. That’s how your dog speaks up for themselves if you don’t do it for them.